a note to yan

The integrity of Literature had atrophied to the point where it no longer seemed to be an "eternal monument of the human condition." I was to lead a rebellion, where Literature would take its rightful place beside Friendship as an inalienable affirmation of Man’s spirit. The only two havens where we could smash the brittle cell of civilized contention and let the secret core of our inner being emerge and be accepted and admired for it.

And here I was, at my resplendent mahogany desk, in silent contemplation.

Then the message came, “Sir, Beautiful is here to see you. She doesn’t look too good”.

Beautiful came into the room with a big bruise under her eye and a split lip, her mascara running all over her face. She told me she represented herself and the Adjectives, whom I greatly respected. I called on them ever so often, and nearly unconditionally was satisfied with their service.

I handed her a tissue, and she began.

“People have been abusing us to no end. We can't handle the kind of burden that gets placed on us. People out there have been expecting us to carry a heavy load of characterization whilst being virtually invisible at the same time. We are treated as inanimate objects, simply as background. What’s more, we are tired, and very much overworked. Look at me!! I’ve been placed with people who used to be friends, like Gorgeous, Handsome, Pulchritudinous, Magnificent and Ravishing. We’ve fallen out. Each thought the other was stealing her thunder. There is no utility in using more than is necessary to complete a task. We have been forced together unceremoniously…”

At this point, she broke into uncontrollable sobs, unable to speak further. I calmed the poor girl down, and told her I would take heed of her complaints and intervene on her behalf.

So please, don’t use Adjectives injudiciously. Call on them only after you've thought long and hard about how they’d like it. And then don’t trouble too many of them. Don’t make them repetitive and redundant. That's just unfeeling and it would spell the ruin of many a friendship.

yet again

...im impressed. same site as before! kk last one, i know it gets tiresome.

oh just in case, i gotta say i dont personally agree with most of this. but it is congruent with wad people tell me.so well.

You are a SRCL--Sober Rational Constructive Leader. This makes you a Ayn Rand ideal.

Taggart? Roark? Galt? You are all of these. You were born to lead. You may not be particularly exciting, but you have a strange charisma--born of intellect and personal drive--that people begin to notice when they have been around you a while.

You don't like to compromise, but you recognize when you have to.You care absolutely nothing what other people think, and this somehow attracts people to you. Treat them well, use them wisely, and ascend to your rightful rank.

Of the 10234 people who have taken this quiz since tracking began (8/17/2004), 5.5 % are this type.

on another note, in another test i was told i was 46.6% of a human being (whatever that means) and that i have severe deficiency of personality skills.

wa laoz. im not that bad rite. basket.

XSYT ??

think this be the most accurate online quiz ive taken.

im sure ma exes would agree, and so would blurry. and so do i :)

http://hokev.brinkster.net/quiz/default.asp

You are a XSYT--Expressive Sentimental Physical Taker. This makes you a Firebrand.You are volatile, sexy and sexually driven. You're magnetic and fascinating, but you don't really enjoy playing the field -- it makes you nervous and preys on your insecurites.But when you fall for someone you fall hard.

You tend to over-analyze things, so the slightest comment or action from your significant other can send you into a tailspin. You crave attention and validation from your loved ones, so if your friends don't like your partner or your partner doesn't like your friends it makes you suffer. Unfortunately the two are often in conflict -- you have excellent insight with your friends, but in a relationship you are blind. Trust your friends!

You blow hot and cold, with big highs and big lows. This makes the bad times very bad but the good times very good, so you tend to stay in a problem relationship much longer than you should. But when a relationship fails, you hold a grudge. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but make sure your grudge doesn't cloud your vision the other way!

What would help you most in your relationships is confidence. You need someone who can help you feel good about yourself and not worse.

You can be needy and jealous. Fortunately you are cute as hell.Of the 25648 people who have taken this quiz, 5.9 % are this type.

singapore idol

jessea was awesome.

olinda was pretty good.

david yeo was a champ.
"im a good boy, i listen!"
can u beat that?
NUS law mate. how often do u find an "ahbeng" with brains?

aiya. honeymoon over. ucl sent me more stuff. sianz. fuck. pissed off. sucks.

RIP

As most of u know, I’ve always admired Alexander of Macedon.

However I would like to take a lil time here to pay tribute to a guy who (unfairly and unfortunately) has been “shortchanged” by history. And that is Alexander’s father, Phillip.

I shall give the poor dude some face la. E fella kana bastard by his son (unintentionally) but bastard-ed none e less.

To none of the world’s great rulers has history done less justice to than Phillip. I reckon this is due to 3 reasons. Some have suggested more, or less, but to me, it is these 3 which count most to the failure in appreciation of his deeds by posterity.

1.the overwhelming greatness of a son (yes indeed, my idol) greater than himself has overshadowed him and drawn men’s eyes to the achievements would have been far less achievable if it had not been for Phillip.
2.the fact that we depend on our knowledge of Phillip’s work almost entirely on Athenian orators, especially the faggot Demosthenes, whose main object was to misrepresent the king. Having said that, those who are interested in speech (and/or sophistry) should read Demosthenes’ 3 Philippics. I enjoyed it, although I didn’t agree with it. No politician knew better than Demosthenes how short is the memory of ordinary men for the political events which they have themselves watched and even shaped by their votes and opinions; and none ever traded more audaciously on this weakness of human nature. So, an eloquent speaker might be, but he was a purblind patriot. And a faggot. Take my word for it. He sucks.
3.we have no primary account of the most ambitious and greatest of his exploits, the subjugation of Thrace.

Thus through chance, through the malignant eloquence of his opponent, who has held the ears of posterity, and through the very results of his own deeds, the maker and expander of Macedonia has hardly held his due place as far more than a footnote in the history of the world.

The importance of his work cannot be fully understood until the consequences which it devolved upon his son to carry out have been studied. The work of Alexander is the most authentic testimony to the work of Phillip.

And now, as I have discharged my obligations to Phillip, may he rest in peace.

on the floor, at the boutique

... i love that CD. lo fidelity all stars. so glad i found it. blardie rui took it without telling me.

Its been quite a roller coaster weekend.

I shall compile a chronological list.

1.Triple clayed! Dal’s fault haha :P subsequently filed for bankruptcy. (S11 mind u)
2.11 koi died
3.my dog bit shijia. Poor dearie. I think u handled it very maturely love. I would think the other 3 girls I consider as close friends would’ve gone hysterical n cried n stuff. My dog was very well behaved after that. He shat (yes, MY past tense of shit) almost immediately when I took him out
4.resolved not to bet again
5.ming (da man) told me to give him 1 more weekend to make my money work for me.
trusted him, won back what I lost. Much love bro.
6.getting into the study mood. Well, warming up at least.
7.was told that I couldn’t tell stories well :(
8.realized I loved every single one of u reading this

oh, and congrats to lewis! After being single for 11/2 years, uve finally found the right one eh?

Chris, if u ever read this, u better treat him well. Im handing my bf over to you :) and id bet he's in good hands

yes im bored to the point when my mind starts wandering and i start writing rubbish stuff.

whee! me!

And the castigation begins. I am becoming… lazy. The talked-about glory days when I used to rip out of my sartorial prison with ferocity and rush straight into paradise. A hiatus, I hope.

I am hungry. Craving for that utopian epiphany, when I shoot out into a dark, moist environment. The world around me trembled and thundered, male and female voices were as one. Now I simply spit unenthusiastically onto a plain. White or black, makes no difference to me.

Rather than being wrapped and carried to and fro, caringly and soothingly, in a lubricated tunnel, I am being rather crassly rubbed by five indifferent entities.

Bloody B isn’t doing his job. He is meant to be the apex of what we are. The largest and omnipotent general. I am simply the “workhorse”. I slog hard and he reaps the credit. Not that im envious of him. He has never struggled for his art, and the taste of victory is far sweeter after a bitter struggle.

He hasn’t strategised lately. The one-man-army is ready for battle, but the general seems hesitant, even fearful. New lands to conquer, new horizons to find. Mountains and plateaus, gorges and headlands, jungles and caves.

Words cannot describe my hunger. I long to stand again, to plunge deep into the future, to penetrate the darkness and clear the doubt that my heyday is over.

lessons embedded in events

... the most precious lessons of all.

I only talk to her so much now.

Little carriages of conversation creeping along over interstates of time.

I like to think it was only ever cut short because I lobbied for it.

She took out the stud ages ago, but I like to pretend it's still there.

A night in autumn. Dreamy and indolent autumn. Innumerable heart-shaped leaves dislodged themselves from their homes, spinning and dancing in the air before falling elegantly onto the floor, forming a red carpet of sorts for her. From the window of the Palace, you could barely descry her silhouette.

Like a page out of one of Lawrence’s picaresque novels.

She spun in and out of conversations like a Sufi high priest whirling in the throes of ecstatic communion with the divine. Holding court with God, if you will.

This was a free spirit. And how could she not be? She was the life and soul of every party she graced. Eyes were transfixed on her :every cup she kissed, every twitch she made, every twirl she perfected. Lustful eyes, inspired eyes, envious eyes, playful eyes, eyes filled with admiration.

Not that she sought this attention. It was granted to her, just as Life was granted to us.

The groom will be older than her, and he'll look at her the same way he looks at his Ferrari. Prince Charming with a black sports car instead of a white stallion.

She was always more material than feel, style more than substance.

My friends would look me in the eye, with “I know how you feel” written all over their foreheads.

And I’d have to be content with having once held her heart for a year. 12 months which meant next to nothing to her, but the sun, the moon, the stars and everything in between for me.

Never try to cage a free spirit.

i wondered on a lazy sunday afternoon

At a different place, a different time, all might have been possible.

At a different place, a different time, I wld’ve allowed myself to love u more.

At a different place, a different time, we wld’ve been able to care and worry for each other more, perhaps even in a different way.

At a different place, a different time, we wldn’t be hindered by so many factors.

At a different place, a different time, we wld have had more and better times together.

At a different place, a different time, we might have viewed each other in a different light.

At a different place, a different time, we might have dared to try.

At a different place, a different time, you might have given me more of a chance.

At a different place, a different time, I might have given myself more of a chance.

I (sometimes) wish we had met at a different place, a different time.

This entry could and does apply to 2 separate people.

The first should be strikingly apparent to alla u.

The second should seem strikingly apparent to alla u, but I assure u its not her.

And herez something I heard on mtv the other day which I thought sounded awesome:

( Give it up for)
The scientists of sound,
Triple trouble,
The beastie boys!

alliteration does help doesnt it? =/

How nice. To be known as individuals in a group, yet have a collective identity.

pardon my ignorance, but...

I watched The Practice on wed. one of my favourite dramas. Highly entertaining don’t ya think. How the lawyers always look so immaculate n fly in their suits n shit. And the actors/actresses can deliver their arguments so well. I think it’s a genuine talent to be able to orate. And the show is carefully crafted. it isn’t packed with legal gobbledygook- people like me can understand it

Once in awhile, the firm does lose a case. Being such a fan of the drama and its players, I am admittedly somewhat disappointed when the firm loses. Boo hoo.

But on wed, I reckon they should have lost. Illinor frut (I am spelling it phonetically, not sure if its correct) tried so save this woman (lez call her blackie, no racial slur intended) from being executed. She was convicted of 1st degree murder and had been on medication: she had to be sane just so she could be executed. So after awhile, she was feeling “well enuf to be executed”.

Illinior made her final attempt by arguing that the death penalty was a “cruel and unusual punishment” when applied to blackie. The 8th amendment (if memory serves me right) protects citizens of e US from “cruel and unusual punishment”. Since this was an argument (supposedly) on a point of law and not the facts of the case, it was heard before a single judge.

Both lawyers delivered their arguments, compact of rhetoric and legal facts, flawlessly. The prosecuting attorney indulged in an argumentum ad hominem, very successfully in my opinion, asserting that Illinior’s motivation behind this case was her opposition to the death penalty, and this clouded her judgement.

Illinior closed by quoting some case she memorised as a kid. It was an amazing peroration. although i reckoned she digressed a lil too much.

The judges’ decision comprised of 2 parts:
1) obiter dictum : he dint feel “comfortable” when a lawyer, defending a woman who murdered 2 young boys, “starts preaching to (him) about morality"
2) ratio decidendi: due to the “overwhelming” medical opinion that blackie was “if not mentally insane, then mentally infirm” when she commited the "heinous acts", he reduced her sentence to life imprisonment.

Lets see. The question about her mental condition was a fact of the case, not a point of law. Insanity is often argued in US, as a fact of the case. If (for example) illinior had argued that due to blackie’s mental condition, she could not give accurate testimony when put in the witness chair and hence her testimony was inadmissible, that would be an argument on a point of law ( the admissibility of evidence)

Therefore, the judge’s decision to reduce the sentence was made on a fact of the case: a re-trial should have been undertaken, or her appeal dismissed.

Perhaps when I know more about law id realise this whole entry was bullshit. But for now, the title says it all.

egofreako

...that was my irc nick back in the day.

I am too egoistic. Was i the victim of some vile pishogue? Or maybe the father/son consubstantiality myth holds? Either way, I have to thank all of you for tolerating this overbearing ego of mine. Its disgusting I know. Id kick his(or her) ass any day if I could. Or murder it. Whatever. You get my point. But yes, thank you all for accepting me as I am.

On the same issue, talking to hongy made me realise something. Among my immediate circle of friends, those who are exceptional are usually LESS egoistic than those who are slightly above mediocrity. I hope I don’t sound insincere, but I sincerely think I belong to the latter category. Which leads me to ponder about causality.

Perhaps it is because I know I cant hang with the best that I am so egoistic. I have to portray this “great” me, and find ways and means of making people think im “great”. I think im so damn important and I try to make people concur. Me me me me me. Those who don’t have that insecurity, who already know they have nothing to prove, are less egoistic.

Right now, “ego” seems the most vulgar 3 letter word to me, especially if its pertaining to me. A self-admitted and self-disdained flaw. Ok enough. I feel sick about myself already.

Thanks guys, for not being entirely put off by my ego, as I am put off by others’.

Random thought: perhaps most bloggers are egocentric in some way. They tell people about themselves, what they think and feel, isn’t this ego manifest?

Let me tell you about ME. Here are a few of MY (supposed) attributes told to ME over the years. (which I remember)

Stylo. Yes I agree. Thankew very much.

Joyce and hong reckon I am (too) charismatic. A paradox it seems to ME. But anyway, I don’t think im one bit charismatic. At all. I wouldn’t find PIYAN charismatic if I were someone else.

Ming and aaron plus a few others reckon im a natural born leader. Well im not. If I were someone else, I wouldn’t follow PIYAN. Anyone (or thing) but him. Really. His a moron. And I don’t think people follow ME.

I think this is a very confused entry. Here I am bitching about how ego I am and denigrating all my supposed attributes. So I shouldn’t be ego right? I am sincere after all. But all of us know im ego. no diggity, no doubt.Perhaps the fact that this whole entry is centred upon me further proves that.

I am confused. and i am egoistic

easy on the criticism ok?

When I woke up, I thought of a certain someone who meant heaps to me. I thought of what we’d been through and where we are now. And I think in general, the development of human relationships (both romantic relationships and friendships) follow a pattern.

1. meeting each other
Of course rite. You guyz cant get close if you don’t first MEET. Perhaps I am antediluvian n overly conservative, but I think the 2 worst places to start a relationship is
(a) online *ahem blurry*
(b) in a club
But yes, the banal idiom about the great journey and the first step holds true: meeting is the first and easiest, but necessary, step of your journey.

2. getting to know each other
Some people can click, and some just cant. I remember writing something lyk this in my letter to joyce which never reached her (haha): the intimacy of a friendship corresponds with the discrepancy between the chemistry of the pertinent parties and external influences which dilute this inchoate attraction: time, books, love etc. Perhaps the best stage to fall out or realise that y’all are incompatible is in this somewhat early stage. The premature demise of fledgling relationships dont usually hurt as much.

3. cathexis
Ah. When u invest emotional energy in someone. The apposite and penultimate period. (not stage, assuming love is not a stage in the journey: it is the destination, but represents a period, as it continues after the stages enumerated here i.e. love is a period but not a stage of the journey) Here, breaking off would really hurt. I always say “love hurts” but perhaps, if I wanted to get a tad more technical, “cathexis hurts” would also be accurate.

4. love
ENJOY!

Crises (along the way)
There would often be squabbles and stuff. These things are inherent and identifiable in nearly every relationship. Some reckon that a major crisis is the antepenultimate period (before cathexis), but I reckon this varies too much with each relationship and hence cannot explicitly place it somewhere. Minor squabbles (plus the passage of time) usually strengthen rather than weaken friendships, so I do try to take em in ma stride.

Bifurcation
Some reckon that the destinations are divergent and hence the cathexis stage is different, however similar the rest of the respective journeys must have been. I beg to differ. Love and friendship are essentially the same destination; how could quintessential friendship exist without love? friendships (esp with the opposite sex) could often be as trying as romantic love.

And since ive just finished Tomkins’ ridiculous book, I shall end ala Tomkins. This list is very generic and represents my opinion, is not prescriptive and is not etched in stone. Tomkins would go on to explain why I (he) made each asseveration and end up with an explanation that’s longer than the text, so I wouldn’t attempt that.

and yes people, I know nearly all of you would disagree with me. In fact I disagree with myself many a time. I tergiversate ever too often, this is just what I think RIGHT NOW. 11.05a.m. that’s all. and please, im not one for intellectual conversations usually. i am an ahbeng. so if you have some thoughts, leave a comment, and i shall reply when i feel like it. if not, all the better hee.

Ok. Time for food!

try, try again

Time seems to pass so slowly.

I wanted to continue blardie Public Law, but wa…damn sianz la. The fella really damn gay. So much so that I wouldn’t even accord him the rudimentary courtesy of writing commentary about his book in proper English.

He is trapped in the unfortunate tyranny of method over subject. He speaks so much about how we’re gonna get to the freakin destination, and only takes us there after dispelling so much irrelevant bullshit, by which time we cant even remember the point he was trying to make. Basket.

And his neologisms are so unnecessary. Ahistorical, apolitical(ok this is accepted in standard usage), achronological, a------sshole!

Hopefully I make some headway during study wit dal on fri and joyce on sun.

So, putting that behind me, I endeavoured to begin Ulysses by Joyce, whom i greatly admire. Unfortunately I was obstructed by this lengthy and bombastic introduction by Declan Kiberd. He rants on and on. Which annoyed me. Again. So I gave up.

But this is interesting. Joyce apparently spent a whole day just deciding the order of these words as he depicted the protagonist’s feelings of “awe and lechery” as he contemplated purchasing women’s underwear

Perfume of embraces all him assailed. With hungered flesh obscurely he mutely craved to adore.

Intricate use of language at its finest. So step aside Kiberd and let me read the actual story. But I feel bad not finishing the intro. So ya.

Thus I turned to Spartan, by Valerio Manfredi. This guy uses historical gaps as a platform for his tales. His stories are always interesting amalgamations of objectivity and creativity as he tries to navigate the labyrinth of history, peppering the maze with his embellishments. Two of his retellings actually managed to make me tear. Spartan so far is pretty impressive, especially since its based on the period of the Peloponnesian struggles.

And I recall a quote I learnt for my ancient history exam. The allies promised to “tithe all those who uncompelled submitted” to the barbarians. Anachronistic(duhz) but arty-farty and aesthetic, kinda like the jargon lawyers spew out from their million-dollar mouths.

Which reminds me of another incident.

(the enigmatic) Mr Hartley:

“the Greeks divided the world as being “Hellenes or barbarians”. They were kinda like me. I divide the world as being geniuses or retards, myself and alla y’all are obviously on opposite sides of this great divide”

Ok not that funny on paper. But boy if ud been there. I would like to blog about the times when he really made me look stupid in front of everyone, but I shall spare me the embarrassment.

By the way, whilst I am “a retard stuck in the town of bumfuck”, I would make more moolah than u, who came from “the best university in the world”. And I did the social/cultural question on the TEE paper. So shuvvit.

I do miss the guy.

I think a sense of insecurity is beginning to creep into me. There are so many things I have yet to learn before going to London. Ironing, cooking etc. and my brain…dead. Like..deceased. impossible to revive. arghgh!

I have exhausted it by typing this entry.

Before I leave, I remember. Stretch your imagination guys. Try and picture this.

As Hartley walked over from the left hand side of the classroom to the right while elucidating one of the Delphic oracles’ ridiculously recondite prophecies, he asked us (grim-faced and all, like he was testing us)

“during the last 5 minutes, something significant has happened in this room. Can someone tell me what?”

He actually offered 5 marks in our next test to the one who could guess it.



*drumrolls*






“e density of intelligence in the room has shifted from one corner to e other”

i just wanna make 1 thing clear

...there's only 1 reason that i came here

my name is piyan. yan for short.

3 letters, 1 syllable. not difficult.and most certainly not "yanyan", "yannie", "yanner" or "yanster".

and i sense this is gonna be counter-productive

sorry keef,not you :)

Singapore peeps are heaps smart.

A TER of 98 is recognised in the official British Council handbook given to WA students as being the equivalent of 4As.but comin from perth, I know bloody damn well 4As is harder than getting 98 for your TER.

Supposedly after 98, it builds on S papers. I got 99.25, which is meant to be 2 S papers, but there’s no chance in hell I would manage that, even if I spent 24 hrs a day studying.

I topped the freakin state for History, yet I know that id only be an average student at best in somewhere like HCJC.

And the Singapore peeps in UCL law would most likely be 4As-and-above people. I still remember. Lewis and i. At the English unis open house. An RJC girl enquired as to why she hasn’t been offered a place in my faculty (yet).

RJ girl: I applied sometime ago, and have not got an offer.

Rodney Austin (the law guy): what did u get for A levels?

RJ girl (rather sheepishly): 4As?

Rodney Austin: O levels?

RJ girl (rather sheepishly again): 10As

Rodney Austin: how many A1s?

RJ girl (more sheepishly than ever): er..9. 1 was an A2.

!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

Dear ol Rodney then (just to play hard to get n shit) went on to ask her if she had done any legal internship etc and concluded by sayin he cldnt guarantee her a place due to the high level of nearly all applicants yadda yadda.

A few points:
1. she would most definitely be accepted and Rodney was juz talking cock
2. I don’t understand wad was there to be sheepish about. If I had those results id proudly proclaim them to anyone who asked.
3. to reiterate, Singapore students are too damn smart.

I hope there’s some rich ass hongkongner who just somehow bought his way into the uni. Perhaps then I wouldn’t be at the bottom of the class. Save me from ignominy.

No one remembers second worst.